Day 19 of The 21-Day Closet Challenge: This Is Why It Never Hurts to Ask

I'm on Day 19 (eek! so close) of The 21-Day Clear Mind, Clean Closet Challenge and the topic today is:


Sooo, the truth is, you don't ALWAYS get what you ask for. 

We've all gone in with a number for a salary increase only to get shot down. Ugh.



Most of us have experienced not getting something we asked for. It's a fact of life, but the thing is, at least we asked.

It never hurts to ask. 

I think everyone gets nervous when they know they should ask for something and they're not sure what the reaction or answer is going to be. 


There's an art to it all that I'm still learning, but I have found out a few things that work for me when I ask for something and need to negotiate a bit (read: get into that super uncomfortable back and forth conversation dance that I personally used to dread):

1. Give something first.

When you are able to give back in some small way, it's a gesture of good faith and it creates more than just a back and forth relationship. It doesn't mean you give away money or a large significant chunk of your leverage. That, would be a bad idea. Instead, give something away that you are comfortable offering or else the balance is all thrown off. Do something for the other party that helps them a bit. 

Why do you think I offer free things on the site?

Why do you think most entrepreneurs and small companies give you one month free to try things out?

It's a strategy, sure, but it's also just a good thing to do. 

Show em you can bend a bit.



2. Leave it open-ended.

Doing this allows for more, you guessed it, conversation. 

When I worked in the stores back in the day I would watch sales associate after sales associate walk up to shoppers and ask that stupid question (sorry but it's pointless and kinda stupid),"Can I help you with something?" The response, 99% of the time was, "no thank you, I'm just looking."

Um, duh. Of course they're just looking. You just set them up for walking away from you at a brisk pace.



Instead of giving someone an easy way to say yes or no and end the whole convo, leave it open ended. 


Keep the door open, unless of course you hit a massive bump and one party starts throwing down expletives (this happened to me once actually, when I was freelancing; it was cray-zay and totally unexpected but a lesson learned). That is a red flag, walk away.

Otherwise, rigidity has no place in any of this.

No hissy fits allowed when you don't get exactly what you ask for. Actually, when you don't get it, you have an opportunity to switch it up and try something else.

Plus, the worst feeling ever is knowing you could have asked but you didn't. Even just simply asking can be enough whether you get it or not.





Some amazing authors out there got shot down by publishers hundreds of times before someone took a chance on them. Maybe when they were unfazed by the rejections, when they could let go of the "no's" they opened themselves back up to the 'hell yes's" out there.

The hustle didn't stop, nor did their belief in it. 


Not getting what you ask for is no big deal. It can actually be a really good thing.

Not asking for what you want and deserve IS however a big deal in my book. Don't be that girl/guy. Just ask. You have nothing to lose usually.

The outcome just doesn't matter as much as we think it does. It's our reaction to the outcome that is everything. 

And I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs EVER that speaks to this so, damn, perfectly I can't even take it (but I can):

The Rolling Stones, You Can't Always Get What You Want- "You can't always get what you want, but when you try sometimes, you find, you get what you need. "

Wise word. Cue: throwback gif:



Day 19 done.

BWIT, out.