I'm on Day 13 of my 21-day Clear Mind/Clean Closet Challenge #SS21DAYCHALLENGE, and today's topic is serving up some tough love via an oversimplified, yet effective, statement that has a tendency to ruffle feathers:
I believe, if you want something, you should go after it.
And conversely, if you say you want something and you don't take a step towards it, then you either don't want it (so many excuses) or you aren't being honest with yourself about why you want it.
I also believe that sometimes, depending on your personality, it takes a little revving up (psychologically) to get the engines running on all four cylinders. For some that means getting a few boosts of confidence from trusted friends. For others, engines start by doing something outside of one's comfort zone like signing up for a new class or taking a big trip.
You can dip your toe in the water or dive in head first.
Whatever you do, do something.
I also think there's something bigger at work on the other side of just wanting to do something or wanting a change in our lives.
Sometimes we can want something and go for it, guns blazing...and never see it come to fruition. Not fun.
It feels like work. There's a lot of force and push and effort followed by a lot of exhaustion and frustration. But really, what's most important is, the first part, it feels like work.
Two years ago I was pushing to make a membership site. I was obsessive about it. There were wireframes all over my room, I was staring at my laptop all day, every day, and I was exhausted at the end of everyday. Especially when I would realize how small of a dent I had made after so much work only to have to wake up again the next day and hit it even harder.
Which, ps, never worked. Old habits really do die hard.
Cue: eye twitch.
Eventually, it got so bad that my roommate actually pulled an screen-tervention on me, taking my laptop away and hiding it for 24 hours straight.
Me, for the first hour:
The panic eventually subsided once I got out of the house and saw the bright yellow thing in the sky.
I came back to the beast that was this membership site project a day later and hit 'launch' on that thing. I had to. I had worked SO hard on it and I wanted it to go live so badly even if it wasn't perfect. (It was never going to be perfect anyway)
Four hours later...no one signed up.
Ok, well my family and a few close friends did which is amazing, but still, it was a flop. All that work for this?
Great, fabulous, good job B.
I was too tired to think about it at the time so I went to the beach because, I now live in California and can do stuff like that. It still gets me excited knowing I have the Pacific right next to me, but I digress...
A month after everything, when I looked back at ALL the time and ALL the effort I put into the sad and confusing membership site, I realized there was one thing missing from the get go...my intention behind launching it was all kinds of misdirected.
It felt like work.
So much work. And not the good kind when I feel like I'm in the flow, working on creating something different, original, genuine.
I was doing it out of fear. I was afraid I had just f'd up my entire life, leaving all of my clients behind me in Dallas, while I was living in a city where the hills pale in comparison to the steep incline of the cost of living increase I was currently experiencing. Ouch.
Maybe my friends were right?
"Wait, so you're leaving your cush job and growing business to move where you have no clientele and the cost of living is astronomically higher? Um...why?"
I wanted to. Not because I needed to prove something to someone, but because I wanted to get outside of my comfort zone and keep learning. That was important to me, it still is, and that is why I made the jump.
That cross-country move didn't feel like work. I swear to you, it was the easiest move I've ever made (which is saying something because I move a LOT) and the biggest. Why? Because I knew I was going with my gut.
Sure, there was fear, but that was overshadowed by belief that I was following what, in my heart, felt right for me. I didn't do it because I thought it would be easy. I didn't do it solely for the money and I didn't do it because I wanted to show someone what I was capable of. I did it because it is something I wanted with every fiber of my being and I was sick of just thinking or talking about doing it...
I had people saying I was insane and shouldn't go. I also had a steady stream of friends and loved ones telling me to do it already.
What got me going was me. It had to be me or else I would have never done it.
My motivation behind building that nightmare of a membership site was based in grasping at something because I was afraid something else would happen. That was the lesson I learned and it was worth it, albeit painful. It was reactive, not proactive.
Now when I take something on, I stay as clear as possible while I'm doing it. If it starts to feel like that membership site felt, I walk away. If it gets tough but still gets me excited about doing it the next day, I stick it out, doubt or no doubt. It's a giant game of Hot & Cold. If I keep getting warmer, I keep moving in that direction.
So...now it's your turn.
What is important to you?
If you say you want it, show you want it.
I have heard so many people tell me they want to clean out their closets. And then six months pass, and nothing happens. Oh wait, something does happen, they come back over and tell me they really want to clean out their closets at which point I usually make a face like this:
It's my, "Oh yea? That's great. So then, are youuuuu going to do it? Or is this just you talking about doing it again?"
And then I pause and wait.
If you want to do it, do it. If you don't do it or take a small step towards it, your actions in no way align with your words.
The only other nugget to consider? Examine your intention behind what you want.
When it hits that 'sweet spot' you will know it. It's the opposite of what an uphill battle feels like.
With that, I will ask again:
What do you want?
Why do you want it?
How are YOU going to find a way to get it? If you don't know where to start, sometimes that is the biggest step, sent me a note firstname.lastname@example.org and I can walk you through it. I live for doing that, so feel free to reach out if you are running into a brick wall.
Or, if you feel inspired, don't let me get in the way, go get it!
Day 13, done and done.
BWIT, out like Grease Lightning...
PLAYING CATCH UP?
CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE DAILY DOSES OF DEEP THOUGHTS:
SOOOOO HERE'S WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING OVER HERE: